Carltonsexroom2(1)Last week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Carlton Gebbia and her husband visited the Hustler store for some sexy lingerie and bedroom gear for the “playroom” she’s creating in her gothic mansion.  “I want a room in the house where I can lock the door and have completely no inhibitions,’ she revealed.”

Paging Christian Grey!

“I like to play. I like to experiment. I like adult toys,” she admitted on the show. “David does not know yet what he’s in for. He’s a lucky man!”

I agree. Some female fans of this show may have cringed at Carlton’s openness, but the fact is, when it comes to turning up the heat in her marriage, she is on the right track. And in my first book, Conversation is Sexy, I argue that lingerie is sexy, seductive, erotic and great for everyone’s self esteem. Here’s a recap…

For men, sexy lingerie is like “unwrapping” a present. We know that removing that wrapping and being able to play with what’s underneath will make us happy and satisfied. But guess what? Lingerie can put a skip in her step, too! For women, wearing something slinky and sexy is a major confidence booster. When she looks sexy, she feels sexy, and she becomes sexy—often shedding inhibitions and unleashing passions she may otherwise feel timid about.

Lingerie is also a win-win for your relationship. Men, being men, are fascinated by visuals and instantly create powerfully stimulating images in their mind when they see their significant other wearing something lacy or racy. Women, on the other hand, love with their brain and crave an emotional connection. They want to be assured that their mate finds them desirable and sexy. Well, watching their partner salivate over what they’re wearing can certainly do the trick. So, with lingerie, both men and women get what they need for great sex and a deeper emotional connection.

Victoria’s Secret hasn’t become a multi-million dollar company just because women need to wear bras and underwear.  It’s all about the sizzle of sex, and I hope that every couple interested in keeping their relationship honeymoon hot will embrace this concept.

It doesn’t matter whether your comfort level is a simple teddy with spaghetti straps, a corset, a garter belt and a pair of stockings, or thigh-high riding boots. It’s up to you and your spouse to talk about what kick-starts your love life.  The bottom line is, lingerie (and anything else you want to add to the mix) sends the message to your spouse that its time to connect and spend some quality time together.

Have fun!

-Coach Todd Reed, CPC